Parents, Children and Family

The last lesson was about the person closest to you. This one widens the circle a little: parents, children, and the rest of the family.

This lesson is ‘optional’ too: everyone has parents, but not everyone has children, and not everyone’s family relationships are easy. If family is a wound for you, take this lesson slowly, or read it with someone you trust.

Of the Ten Commandments, the first about how we treat people is: “Honor your father and your mother.” (Exodus 20:12) Paul calls it “the first commandment with a promise.” (Ephesians 6:1-2) Honoring is more than obeying; Proverbs is very concrete: “don’t despise your mother when she is old.” (Proverbs 23:22) When parents grow old, caring for them is also a way of honoring them: speaking of a widow’s children, Paul says they should “learn first to show piety toward their own family and to repay their parents.” Chinese culture prizes filial piety, and so does the Bible; the difference is that the Bible places honoring parents inside the fear of God. So when parents’ wishes truly conflict with God’s teaching, the book’s answer to Question 62 is: “We must obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:29) This is no excuse for failing our parents; it puts honor back where it belongs.

For children, the Bible first reminds parents: “You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” (Ephesians 6:4) and gives the reason: “so that they won’t be discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21) Raising children is not only managing them but teaching them—“when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:7) Faith is handed on mostly at the dinner table and along the road, not in a classroom.

Then there is the wider family. The Bible’s words are strong: “if anyone doesn’t provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith.” (1 Timothy 5:8) Caring does not always mean money; sometimes it is a phone call or a visit. After Jesus healed a man, he said to him: “Go to your house, to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you and how he had mercy on you.” (Mark 5:19)