Sending Path · Introduction to Serving · Lesson 4: Facing Conflict · Facing Conflict
This lesson in one sentence: Unity is the Spirit’s gift, and we are eager to keep it: look first at our own beam, and don’t pass on talk behind people’s backs; but unity does not mean silence about harm.
Timing (about 60 minutes)
- Opening5 min
- Read Together10 min
- Discussion30 min
- This Week10 min
- Pray for One Another5 min
Opening
When you were a child and quarreled with siblings or classmates, how did you usually make up?
Read Together
I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to walk worthily of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and humility, with patience, bearing with one another in love, being eager to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, even as you also were called in one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in us all. But to each one of us, the grace was given according to the measure of the gift of Christ.
Ephesians 4:1-7 · WEB
Being eager to keep the unity of the Spirit
Ephesians 4:3 · WEB
Discussion
- “Is Christ divided?” (1 Corinthians 1:10-13)—in today’s church, what does ‘I follow so-and-so’ look like?
- “being eager to keep the unity of the Spirit” (Ephesians 4:1-7)—what is the difference between ‘keeping’ unity and ‘creating’ it?
- “First remove the beam out of your own eye” (Matthew 7:3-5)—in conflicts you have been through, what was your own part?
- “Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up” (Ephesians 4:25-32)—why does talk behind people’s backs make conflict grow so easily?
This Week
This week, watch what comes out of your mouth: don’t repeat anything said behind someone’s back, not even once; if there is friction between you and someone, pray for them once.
Each person names one setting they will pay special attention to this week (a group chat, a meeting), where they will not repeat what is said behind people’s backs.
Closing
Pray together for unity in each of your churches, one sentence each, naming no one.
Tips for the leader
- Don’t talk about specific church conflicts or name anyone in the group; discuss only principles and our own part.
- If someone says ‘unity means not speaking up’, gently and clearly correct it: when someone has been harmed, unity does not mean silence. The lesson says: go to someone in the church who can take responsibility, and if necessary seek help outside.
- If someone in the group is caught up in a conflict right now, stay with them privately afterward.
General principles for leaders
- The leader is not a teacher but someone who walks alongside everyone.
- Give everyone a chance to speak; with someone who talks a lot, you can gently say, ‘Let’s also hear from friends who haven’t spoken yet.’
- Don’t rush to give answers. If someone is silent, wait a few more seconds.
- For a question you can’t answer, you can say, ‘I don’t know either; let’s look it up together,’ and note it down for next time.
- What is said in the group stays in the group.
- At the opening, the leader can give their own answer first, showing that it can be simple and honest.