Rooting Path · Christian Living · Lesson 1: Marriage · The Person Closest to You
This lesson in one sentence: In the closest relationship: listen first, speak slowly, forgive each other—because we ourselves have been forgiven.
Timing (about 60 minutes)
- Opening5 min
- Read Together10 min
- Discussion30 min
- This Week10 min
- Pray for One Another5 min
Opening
Who around you is the best at ‘listening’? How do they listen?
Read Together
Make my joy full by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind; doing nothing through rivalry or through conceit, but in humility, each counting others better than himself; each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others.
Philippians 2:2-4 · WEB
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 · WEB
So, then, my beloved brothers, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man doesn’t produce the righteousness of God. Therefore, putting away all filthiness and overflowing of wickedness, receive with humility the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
James 1:19-21 · WEB
Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger
James 1:19 · WEB
Discussion
- “each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others” (Philippians 2:2-4)—in your closest relationship, when is this hardest?
- “swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19-21)—of these three steps, which do you most often get out of order?
- “Be angry, and don’t sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26-27)—what could ‘not letting the sun go down on your wrath’ look like in practice?
- How is forgiving different from ‘pretending nothing happened’?
- “each man has his own gift from God, one of this kind, and another of that kind”—in church, is either being single or being married often treated as the ‘normal’ one? How can we treat each other?
This Week
Find a moment to talk properly for ten minutes with the person closest to you (a spouse, a family member or a close friend): you only listen—no interrupting, no defending yourself—and at the end you say, ‘I hear you.’
Each person names the one person they will ‘just listen to for ten minutes’ this week (saying ‘my spouse’ or ‘my mom’ is enough—no names needed).
Closing
In pairs (ideally of the same sex), pray one sentence for the person your partner will ‘just listen to for ten minutes’ this week.
Tips for the leader
- If the group includes both married and single people, say at the start: this lesson is about ‘the closest relationship’, not only marriage.
- Don’t invite anyone to talk about a spouse’s or family member’s faults in the group; talk only about yourself. When couples are in the same group, each speaks only for their own half.
- If someone reveals domestic violence or a threat to their safety, this is not a matter for group discussion: stay with them privately afterward and contact local emergency help or a pastor they trust. Forgiveness does not mean staying in danger. Nor should you arrange face-to-face mediation or confrontation between the spouses—that pushes the person who was harmed back into danger.
- Group members who want to go deeper into marriage and family can be pointed to Heavenly Spring’s On the Rock.
- Don’t treat single members as ‘a problem not yet solved’, and don’t press anyone in the group to marry or try to match-make.
General principles for leaders
- The leader is not a teacher but someone who walks alongside everyone.
- Give everyone a chance to speak; with someone who talks a lot, you can gently say, ‘Let’s also hear from friends who haven’t spoken yet.’
- Don’t rush to give answers. If someone is silent, wait a few more seconds.
- For a question you can’t answer, you can say, ‘I don’t know either; let’s look it up together,’ and note it down for next time.
- What is said in the group stays in the group.
- At the opening, the leader can give their own answer first, showing that it can be simple and honest.